My Bad Girlfriend On a Sunday

She says she’s lost my phone.

She leaves me fifty dollar grocery lists
with a ten dollar bill.

On weekends she gets up early,
vacuums around the bed.

On Sundays she insists we pray,
but not to God.

She tells a neighbor that I wish I had his flat belly.

She can be counted on to take the can to the curb,
but to never, ever, bring it back.

On Sundays she wants seafood.
And it’s twenty miles away.

Then she throws up her hands and has a steak instead.

My bad girlfriend jingles when I jangle. 

Pfefferle, W.T. My Coolest Shirt. Poems. The Word Works Press, 2015.